Women fought tooth and nail for their place on the executive board, and worked to prove the value of their contributions. So why is our language not reflecting this tenacity? Gendered language in professional environments continues to reinforce an imbalanced power dynamic which is preventing progress.
Welcome to Writing Emails Like a Man 101.
Whilst there is nothing inherently ‘male’ or ‘female’ about English vocabulary, there are specific masculinities and femininities which lend language a gendered quality - as demonstrated by multiple studies in Linguistics, Sociology, and Psychology. Masculinities and femininities are natural and automatic, and more often than not, people are not even aware of them. However, the concept of gendered language has recently become a topic of wider discussion - specifically in relation to the workplace and professional dynamics. Many young women took to TikTok to share their plans to begin “writing emails like a man”.
The writer has removed unnecessary words and modifiers to be more direct, certain in her conviction, and detached with a neutral tone. In other words, masculine.
A more facetious example…
Writing emails like a man involves reducing apologies, being direct, and reducing unnecessary niceties or excessive politeness.
Apologizing
Apologizing can feel like a reassuring buffer for difficult discussions. However, apologies come with inherent connotations of blame, responsibility, and liability. Studies show that the phrase “I’m sorry” appears notably more in correspondence from women compared with their male colleagues. The phrase is not always used as an admission of guilt, it is often used as an expression of sympathy. However, it can contribute to an overall submissive tone, and should therefore be avoided where it isn’t needed. Experts suggest different phrasing to avoid impulsive apologies, for example: “Thank you for waiting” rather than “Sorry for the wait”.
Being direct
One of the most effective ways to be more direct in communications is to use fewer words. Inclusion of modifiers and qualifiers can undermine your message and your authority. Prefacing statements with “I think” or “maybe” can seem harmless, but provide an opportunity for dispute and challenge where it is not welcome. Women tend to linguistically undermine their own authority as they seek approval for their utterances. Do not let others believe you are doubting yourself, unless you wish for them also to doubt you.
Excessive politeness
It feels wrong to fault a person for being too nice, but this is just business. Our focus on niceties can be blamed on society’s insistence on teaching girls to be lady-like, elegant, and refined. Or rather, to be quiet, compliant, and unobjectionable. Being unduly considerate can set you back, as this is unlikely to be reciprocated, and could mark you out as a person vulnerable to emotional manipulation. A cool detachment can often warrant better results.
However, women becoming more like men is often not the answer. Especially if it involves abandoning, rejecting, and shunning our femininity.
It is recognised that a woman’s disinclination to assert herself is likely to hold her back in professional settings - but should it? The problem arises when the word ‘feminine’ becomes synonymous with the word ‘weak’. The feminine urge to consider human factors, emotions, and repercussions, are not necessarily negative traits. Of course they can be counterproductive when taken to the extreme, as can almost anything. Feminisation of industry could take us to a world where empathy and consideration is valued as highly as dominance and decision-making.
Active listening, recognition of non-verbal cues and body language all have a more significant role in the feminine communication style, all of which have immeasurable value in collaborative work and partnerships. Whilst some habits only serve to undermine your strength, this does not mean we must abandon every aspect of our feminine style in pursuit of masculine dominance.
Men and women have long exhibited different styles of communication, as a result of their differing cultural and social experiences. These differences are perpetuated by the consequent associations of ‘male’, ‘female’, ‘masculine’, ‘feminine’... when surely words speak for themselves? Perhaps if we shed these gendered language labels and simply considered communications in terms of professionalism, efficiency, and courtesy, all professional people may benefit. Acknowledgement of the strength of both may be the answer, and allow people to begin writing emails like a boss.
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