Moving thousands of miles away from home, making new friends, exploring unknown places and navigating life alone; this past month may have been the longest one yet. Here’s a few things I’ve learnt that may be valuable to those adjusting to new beginnings.
1. Home can be more than one place
Homesickness is bound to catch up with everyone at some point. I know, for me, it didn’t take long. Missing people is something I was somewhat prepared for, but what I didn’t process was suddenly feeling lost in the place I was supposed to call home. Coming from a fairly small international school, the mere size of the campus was intimidating. I missed knowing everyone and feeling like I belonged somewhere. I started missing the little things: the sunsets, the walks, even the polluted air. I found it hard to listen to songs from my past because the feeling they evoked in me suddenly seemed unknown.
I think the best thing I allowed myself to do was embrace it. I cried, I talked to old friends, I didn’t force myself out of this rut. Surely enough, I soon realised; everyone finds their people. Whether it’s through your course, societies or just pure luck, everyone will find the people that make home feel a little closer. I still catch myself reminiscing, trying to compare my old life with my new, but I’m learning to accept that along with these changing environments, I’m changing too. I can’t bring the same person I was to a new era of my life; she wouldn’t be ready for it.
So, embrace the nostalgia, but don’t let it hold you back from progressing and growing. Finding your home elsewhere is only possible when you let yourself adapt and adjust.
2. Being alone does not equal loneliness
I think a common misconception made by all of us is that being alone must mean loneliness. Not to say that I haven’t felt lonely at some point or the other, but the true value of being alone only became apparent to me during these past few weeks. This was a new feeling to me. I spent all my high school years continuously surrounded by friends and family. Then, suddenly, waking up to my alarm, unaccompanied by my dogs rushing into my room, eating breakfast alone, not seeing my parents at the end of the day, these were all foreign feelings and during initial days, I wasn’t sure I liked them.
Slowly, but surely, the pleasures of living alone began presenting themselves and I didn’t hate the quiet walks back after lectures, I didn’t mind the thought of a night in, but the time I felt most at peace with this idea, was when I didn’t feel the urge to call someone at the first thought of sadness. Growing up with a strong support system at home and school meant having a constant shoulder to cry on; I can say I have this at university too. However, the internal reminder that “everything will be okay”, rather than hearing it from someone else was a transformative moment for me.
Whilst we may be blessed with people we can fall back on, at the end of the day, the only person you can truly trust to hold your hand and keep your head up is yourself. So find comfort and peace in that time you spend alone, whether it’s eating, doing chores, treating yourself or doing hobbies you love.
3. Rejection is just another form of opportunity
I cannot stress how easy it is to get carried away in the frenzy of applying to societies, internships, sports clubs, and the whole array of opportunities that we’re exposed to within the first few days of university. The whole process is exciting, yet unbelievably daunting. For some reason we get caught up in the idea that success in these things are a reflection of our intelligence, our skill, our worth. For those coming from significantly smaller communities and schools, the competition is at a level never seen before. So don’t let the rejections distract you from everything you’ve been succeeding at. Something I learnt a few months ago, which I almost forgot about, was that for each rejection you face, there is one more opportunity waiting to be conquered. You’ve made it this far, don’t doubt yourself now. And if you’re in your first year like me, just remember, this is only the beginning.
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I wish I was wise enough to share more, but these are 3 things I hope to remember whenever I’m feeling a little lost. Don’t forget, you’re doing this for the first time, it’s okay to feel confused, scared and lonely. You’re bound to come across failures, but just know, success is right around the corner. Find your people, keep them close, and fall back on them when you need it. But, remember your biggest support system will always be you; be confident in your ability to look out for yourself and cherish your time alone. Eventually, these will be the days you miss the most.
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