Starting off at any company can be a daunting experience, especially one that people warned me would be very white, very male, and very old. I remember staring at the mirror before my first day of my internship wondering if my balloon sleeved top and flared trousers were a touch too much. I was admittedly terrified that these slight quirks would become the inspiration for a new nickname, and I would much rather I cruise by these 8 weeks without attention or consequence diverted to me. Sometimes the prospect of embarrassing yourself seems to be the all-encompassing doubt that pops up from time-to-time. This time, I could not seem to brush off this thought except by telling myself that I had nothing to lose. At worst, I would just be a distant memory for my colleagues who would have to flock back to an introduction email to remember my name, so how bad could it really be?
It is frighteningly easy to let yourself be consumed with self-doubt, especially when on a packed train with the wrong answers on your Cryptic Crossword. Consequently, my mind would always drift to the possible ‘what ifs’ of my upcoming day, like what if I’m the only girl in this meeting? Whilst not necessarily a terrible thing, I resented being treated differently than others. Or what if I am the only young person? What if I don’t get their humour about their favourite horse stables? Or what if people don’t get my humour about complaining about meal deal prices? But the biggest ‘what if’ I faced was what if I hated the world of work and would much rather crawl back to the ‘Warwick bubble’ for eternity? Forget actually living, what if I couldn’t even imagine my life after university?
If any of these thoughts seem even vaguely familiar to you, I suppose we share in revelling in existential dread, but also – and more importantly – we are proof that most people have similar concerns and vulnerabilities.
Initially, I found more comfort in the other interns and in our whispers of doubt, the ‘Omg same!’ and the lunch respites. It is easier to stick to what you know you can do well, not just in the work you do but the people you spend time with. The other interns could have been my flatmates if we were at different universities, but my colleagues somehow seemed miles away, even though we were only separated by a couple metres (and 20 odd years).
Realising this missed opportunity, I decided to immerse myself in team activities and force myself to coffee chats, no matter how awkward they might be. Starting off with the heads of my department and working my way up to CFO, I set up quick meetings to find out more about their work and what they find to be the most interesting/rewarding parts of their day. I honestly do not know what I expected but thought it would be similar to those overdone ‘day in the life of the CEO of a mega-tech firm’ videos that always started with waking up at 5am. and ended with an hour of yoga before bed. Instead, what I got was eerily parallel to what my friends at university might say: loving the people they work with, the after-work drinks and the employee discount at the cafeteria.
So far, my manager had been an amazing source of guidance in terms of the tasks assigned to me, but this was when I decided to try and form a relationship that goes beyond formality. The idea of mentorship always seemed intriguing to me since it was almost an extension of the sisterhood I had experienced in school. More interestingly, perhaps the very act of seeking a mentor tells you all you need to know about yourself. Drowning in challenges is something we all experience, but very few are brave enough in vulnerability to acknowledge and ask for help and advice. That first step might be the most doubtful but is testament to your ambitions and belief in a better path and future.
My manager had a treasure trove of advice about everything I could ask for: possible pathways after university, CV and cover letter tips, how to deliver great presentations and even how to stop the underground trains from leaving your hair a frizzy mess. And in return I supplied her with embarrassing stories from university, some (HR approved) gossip from the interns and a listening ear on any challenges she faced.
Somehow, I got incredibly lucky that my manager was someone I could share such a great bond with, but mentors can be found anywhere. Maybe someone in another department, someone who might be younger than you or maybe even someone you always seem to share your tube compartment with. The fact is that inspirational people are everywhere and oftentimes all we need is a sounding board for our own ideas. Now this might be the slight main character syndrome that central London brings out in us but the main thing I learnt was to start up conversations, ask people out for coffee chats and rest assured in the knowledge that the slight awkwardness is dwarfed by the very humanity that connects us.
Comments